Take Two - Loving can hurt
by LisaB1991
Summary: This is my take on the whole dating/realizations part of 1x12's episode synopsis: 'Meanwhile, Sam's return to the dating scene tests her relationship with Eddie, leading to a surprising realization for both of them.' FYI: I started writing this before the promo trailer was released with the Sam's-date-sent-flowers-to-the-office-she-shares-with-her-hubby-part.


At the sound of a pair of heels approaching his office, Eddie Valetik looked up from the papers that lay scattered on top of his desk. He frowned when his eyes caught sight of his partner, who was currently very much dressed up for a special occasion, or so it seemed.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, trying to keep his voice free of any sign like he was curious. Judging by the way she'd styled her hair, applied some extra layers of foundation to her face and blush to her cheeks, not to mention the dramatic length of her eyelashes, she obviously wasn't planning on spending a few more hours behind her desk, like he was currently planning on.

"Yeah", she replied matter-of-factly. "We solved the case, right? Paperwork's done, boxes are stored, so I reckoned we'd take the night off." Sam shrugged, the shadows of the dimly lit room showcased her bare shoulders. She had changed into a soft pink off-shoulder top and white skin-tight jeans which, if Eddie was honest with himself, looked very becoming on her. But then again, she'd look amazing in about anything.

"There's this new sushi restaurant downtown. I heard their _sake nigari_ is to die for. I was planning on going there with some old friends. They weren't as enthusiastic to meet up as I was, though," shoving her hands into her pockets, Sam pressed her lips together. She had tried to reach a few more names on her very long list of apology calls, and from what Eddie had heard, she still had a long way of making amends to all the people she had hurt.

"They cancelled? Do you mean you already made reservations and you're planning on going on your own?" Eddie half suspected her to ask him to join her, and as much as he would have liked to, he still had bills to pay and payroll to do, and he really wanted it to be done before he went home for the weekend. This was one of those rare times where there wasn't a new case waiting for them to dive into, and as much as he'd needed the money, a weekend off didn't sound so bad either.

"Not exactly. I mean yeah, they kindly declined. But don't worry, I'm not going to be eating there all by myself." It was clear to Eddie that Sam wasn't eager to tell him with whom she was going out for dinner. While he didn't like secrecy, he figured she'd called Syd and didn't want to mention it to him to avoid any awkwardness. She knew Syd and Eddie hadn't exactly parted in the best possible ways, and even though she was Sam's manager, Sam tried to avoid mentioning Syd as often as she could when she was around him. _Try not to sleep with her too_. Syd's not so subtle hint teased at the back of his mind as he looked at the woman standing in front of him. Damn it, it was as if his brain had been waiting for him to allow the memories of waking up next to Sam's very warm, and very naked, body to reach the surface. Not to mention her soft lips, which constantly reminded him of the kiss they shared but weren't able to remember either; the only proof they had was a paparazzi photo. Eddie's treacherous mind suddenly wondered if kissing her again would bring back those lost memories.

Irritated with himself, he yanked his gaze back to her eyes. Not being able to remember if anything had happened between them that night annoyed him, perhaps even more so because of the tenderness that stirred in him whenever she was around. That sensation was quite new to him – he had gotten used to being a lone wolf. His life was complicated enough as it was, and he had hardened himself against any emotional bond that could tear down the wall he had pulled up around his heart. But Sam had waltzed into his life like a whirlwind. And he had been bored. So bored. She proved to be a challenge, a handful and a half, and he was sure that, someday, she'd be the death of him. Those large brown eyes and remarkable face, not to mention her enthusiasm, wit and strong personality were refreshing. But no matter how tough the actress wanted to appear to the outside world, Eddie had seen occasional sparks of fear and vulnerability in her eyes. Whenever he saw those glimpses of her, a rush of protectiveness surged through him.

The silence between them stretched on for a few more seconds. Sam's clear voice wishing him a good night shook him out of his reverie. After an awkward wave into his general direction, she disappeared from view, half walking, half skipping towards the elevator. Sighing, Eddie moved his gaze to focus on his papers once more, but Monica's knock against the door stopped him.

"Hey, Sam's already on her way out, why don't you go and enjoy a night off as well?" Eddie suggested, his eyes narrowing as Monica walked towards his desk instead and sat down on one of his visitor's chairs. Apparently, the young woman had other plans. "What is it, Monica?"

Monica shook her head, her lips puckered as she studied him, arms folded across her chest. It was unsettling. "Why are you letting her go?"

"Excuse me?" Apparently the PhD student had chosen him as her next study object, and he wasn't sure if he should laugh or be annoyed by it. He just wanted this paperwork to be done and go home, grab a beer and watch old reruns on TV. Was that too much to ask?

"Anyone with eyes in their head and a normally functioning brain can see you're crazy about each other," Monica held up a finger when Eddie opened his mouth to protest. "I know what you're going to say, but I suggest you save the time and energy. Everyone who's ever seen the two of you together can see it. Now, what I don't get is, why do you let her go on a date when you're obviously pining for her?"

Eddie stared at her as he let her words sink in. "A date? I didn't know Sam was dating?" Monica nodded, placed her hands on the arm rests and pushed herself up. "She's going to, if you keep sitting here and do nothing about it."

Looking back, he had no idea how he got there, but before the elevator doors closed behind Sam, he managed to slide his hand between the doors to stop her from leaving.

"Do you honestly believe this is a good idea?" Sam bristled at the deep rumble of Eddie's voice and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You. Going on a date." The elevator doors closed behind him, and Sam instantly sensed how the atmosphere changed. She wasn't claustrophobic by any means, but for some reason the air seemed to thicken, making it harder to think straight, even though he casually leant against the elevator wall, keeping a distance between them. Clearly, he didn't think it a good idea. Too bad for him, because the last thing she needed, was his blessing.

"I don't see how this is any of your business, Eddie." He folded his arms across his chest at the exasperated tone in her voice. She did have a point. He didn't even know what he was doing, or why, or what he was going to say to her to stop her from going out. She had every right to. How could he put into words that he didn't like the idea of her with another man? That he wanted to take her out, to date her, to be that kind of guy to her. To finally be able to open up his heart again, to her. But words failed him.

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea, Eddie? I'm completely stable, I haven't touched a bottle in forever!" She exclaimed, but she instinctively knew his problem was not the risk of her drinking again. Though she knew he worried about her from time to time, it was completely unnecessary. "Besides, I figured that, if I can put that part of my past behind me, I could just as well start to trusting men again."

Eddie frowned. He knew she hadn't meant it on purpose, that it wasn't her intention to hurt him, but if he was being honest to himself, her words did sting a little. And of course she meant trusting men in a romantic way, not in general. But still. Eddie wasn't the best with words in these kind of situations, or relationships in general. That was a fact, but it didn't mean the man didn't have his dreams. Whatever hopes he may have had, unconsciously or not, apparently Sam didn't see their relationship evolve into anything more than the companionable, yet professional way they always worked together. Surely he wasn't imagining the subtle change in their banter since their first case, how they sometimes moved in sync, seeking contact by brushing an arm against the other or unconsciously pressing a hand against the other's back to let them know they're there. Monica's words had stirred something within him, but apparently the PhD student got her diagnosis partly wrong – no matter how good they worked together as a team, her feelings for him didn't quite match his feeling for her.

Sighing, Eddie pushed away from the elevator wall and took a step towards her. As he did so, the proximity of his six-foot-plus frame, wide shoulders and the muscular scent of his cologne sent a tremor of longing through her, which she fought to resist. They stood there, for what seemed like an eternity, until the elevator pinged and the doors slid open; they had arrived on the ground floor. Sam was the first to move, but other than a nervous flick of her arm, she remained motionless. They continued to hold each other's gaze, until Eddie cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pocket. His eyelids lowered slightly, not quite concealing the smouldering gleam in his eyes.

"You have fun then. Try not to set anyone's bed on fire tonight," though his voice had softened, it didn't reach his eyes, and for a moment Sam couldn't look away from the sudden intensity she saw in them. She offered him a small smile in response, and stepped outside, only looking back once as the doors closed again, blocking the sight of him. With a heavy heart, she watched the floor indicator move up, and she almost felt the physical pain of the increasing distance between them.

Should she have cancelled the date, and instead asked Eddie to come? Would he have said yes? She knew Eddie hadn't slept with Chris in quite a while, he'd told her so himself. Not that that meant he was on the market again, or even interested in a serious relationship. She understood his reasons, why he tried to distance himself from any emotional attachment in order to protect himself and others from getting hurt. She wanted to wait for him until he had it figured out for himself. But until then, she wanted to free herself from the stained shreds that was left of her former love life. Turning to Eddie at this point was just not fair to either of them, and especially not to him. She just hoped he'd understand.

* * *

It was 2 a.m. when she called him. Sam didn't realize she'd been holding her breath when, after a few rings, her call automatically switched to voicemail.

" _This is Eddie Valetik. I'm currently unable to take your call. Please leave me a message including your name and telephone number and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks."_

Great. Sam leaned against the kitchen counter and closed her eyes. As much as she loved hearing his voice, this clipped and rather impersonal message wasn't exactly encouraging. As much as she'd wanted to go to him, showing up on his doorstep, unannounced, wasn't exactly a good idea, especially not after the way they'd parted. Besides, she hadn't even thought things through about what she was going to say to him. She only knew she needed to call him. 'Damn', she thought to herself. 'I'm not making any sense.'

She started at the shrill sound of the beep, indicating she could leave her message. Why was she doing this again? Taking in a shaky breath, Sam closed her eyes and decided to just _talk_. She'd deal with the consequences later.

"Eddie? It's me. Sam." Silence. Oh right, he wasn't going to answer back, she was rambling to his voicemail. She hated leaving messages.

"I uh.. hm. Don't worry, I didn't set anyone's bed on fire. No one's hurt. Or dead. And I uh.. I'm at home. I'm doing okay, didn't touch the booze or anything. No drugs, no alcohol, you know me.. new Sam instead of drunk and disorderly Sam..."

 _Way to go Swift, he's definitely going to think you're wasted. Which you're not, you're just bloody nervous.._ Sam swallowed once, twice. And decided to just get on with it.

"That's not the reason I'm calling you, though," she was amazed with herself, her voice sounded so much clearer and more confident..

"I sat there, in this fancy restaurant, opposite this guy who.. I'm sure he's amazing, and sweet and all. But as I sat there, all of a sudden I had this revelation, this epiphany, that however nice and sweet and good this or any guy might turn out to be.. they're not you. No man is anything like you. And I thought to myself, I can't go on like this anymore. So I.. I just left. I mean, I paid for my food and all, I'm not a total jerk. Somehow, I had convinced myself I was obsessed with this idea, that I somehow had to cleanse myself from my troubled past, but now I know that I can't. At least not like this. I realized that in order to do that, I need to grow. _We_ need to grow. Together. And perhaps.. Perhaps.. I just don't want to waste another minute. But instead of telling it to your face, I'm pouring my heart out to your voicemail…"

She let the silence stretch on for a moment, her face flushed with adrenaline. Tired, Sam let herself slide to the floor into a sitting position while rubbing her fingers across her forehead. She always did that when she was distressed. "I love you," she whispered, as tears blurred her eyes. And unlike other actresses, she did not blink, nor did she look up to frantically try to hold back the dam of tears that began to break as she clung to her phone. As if saying it out loud was the trigger, she took a frantic breath as hot tears shot down her cheeks. And then she hung up.

She didn't even know why she was crying. Was it because this spontaneous confession embarrassed her? Was it the sudden acknowledgement to herself that she loved him? Or had the true reason finally found its way to come out after being buried so deeply within; the pain, sorrow and resentment of her actions that had eventually led to her downfall? The embarrassment of seeing herself in the most awkward, indecent paparazzi photos or gossip newsflashes? Or the realization that working with and being around Eddie made her life so much worthwhile than any million dollar deal or movie award could ever do? Either way, she had no idea what to do now.

Clutching her knees with her hands, Sam sat there for a few moments more, when she suddenly heard a knock on her front door. She didn't even have the energy or willpower to look up and see who it was, feeling completely drained by the emotional rollercoaster she had recently endured. A short while later, she heard a key unlock the front door. Confident footsteps made their way towards the kitchen and halted nearby.

"Sam?"

Of course it was Eddie. He still had her key from the night he offered to stay to make sure she was safe. That night felt like ages ago. Sam looked up and had to fight the urge to start laughing hysterically at the sight in front of her. The PI's usually perfectly slicked back hair looked dishevelled, and his face was slightly flushed as he looked at her cautiously. He wore a clean burgundy shirt, which he had obviously pulled on in a hurry. Sam couldn't help but think it looked good on him as she got to her feet.

"Hi," she tried and failed to keep her voice even. It was a bit too much to feel emotionally drained by a very recent realization of feelings for a man, followed by a rather unexpected confession of said feelings to said man, and to have said man show up less than half an hour later.

"Have you been crying?"

One corner of Sam's mouth quirked humorlessly. "You're pretty perceptive tonight. Ever considered turning this hobby into a career? You'd make one hell of a PI."

The unexpected sound of his chuckle was compelling, and Sam couldn't help but smile in return.

"You got my message." Eddie took a few steps toward her, inhaling slowly. "Of course I did. That's the purpose of a voicemail, Sam. Someone leaves a message and you listen to it when you get the chance. When someone leaves a message in the middle of the night, you just don't waste time to listen to it. I was already halfway out the door to come to you with a gun in my hand, when you finally told me what was really going on. You gave me quite the scare, Sam."

Sam nodded. Of course she had him worried, what kind of a lunatic calls someone up in the middle of the night anyway, if it's not urgent or life threatening? She hadn't thought about the consequences when she made the call. The last thing she'd wanted, was for him to worry about her.

"I'm so-" Sam started to apologize, but was cut off as a pair of strong hands pulled her against him and enveloped her in his strong arms. Too stunned to fully comprehend what was going on, she lifted her head to look at him. And as she did so, his mouth came crushing down on hers.

Sam had never felt anything like this ever before. She could feel how he tried to control himself, if the low growl that escaped him was any indication as she slid her hands up his chest to wind around his neck.

As they came up for air, Eddie pressed his forehead against hers, eyes closed. Slightly panting, Sam's blood rushed through her veins, making it hard for her to hear anything but their breathing and the beating of her heart, yet every nerve in her body was screamingly aware of the next few words he spoke. "I love you too, Sam."

She froze and opened her eyes to into his light brown ones. "I'm glad you left that message. What happened earlier put everything in perspective for me, but I had no idea what to do. I'm not good at this. But the last thing I want is to hurt you, and you seemed to look forward to your night out. I didn't want to spoil that," Eddie murmured, still holding her close.

"For so long I have closed myself off to love, and I thought I had it all figured out; that I was content with my life and that I didn't need someone else to complete it. Until you came along. You taught me to loosen up by challenging me and going toe-to-toe with me in a way I never would have tolerated from anyone else. You, Samantha Swift, are something else."

Joy welled up in her heart, and she had a hard time blinking away her tears. Was this truly happening? She laid her hand along the angle of his stubbled jaw and smiled. "I love you, Eddie," she whispered, and feathered her warm, kiss-bruised lips over his. Tangling his fingers through her hair, Eddie angled her lips more fully beneath his. Within seconds, they lost themselves in their embrace.


End file.
